


The Cad's Comeuppance

by ChillyHollow



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bars and Pubs, Comedy, Gen, WWII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillyHollow/pseuds/ChillyHollow
Summary: Because not everyone wants to read an Alternate Universe story set during WWII (that is 14 chapters long!), I’ve also posted chapter eleven from “To Windsor” where Matthew the cad gets his comeuppance as a standalone chapter.  Cormoran and Robin are pretending to be engaged.  Matthew walked out on Robin after seducing her with a promise of true love and marriage.  Robin has taken Cormoran to Masham to meet her family.  Robin’s brothers invite Cormoran to go to the pub with them so they can grill him about his relationship with Robin.This was inspired by Steve Martin’s extended bar scene monologue from the movie Roxanne.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1nYEH6EDwM
Relationships: Robin Ellacott/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	The Cad's Comeuppance

Robin elected to stay with her parents instead of going to the pub.Strike knew what this was about—he’d been trained in interrogation, after all.But he meekly followed Robin’s brothers Stephen, Martin and Jonathan to the Land Rover.Stephen took the driver’s seat and Strike was allowed the front passenger seat as the guest of honor.It was a ten minute drive to the heart of Masham where The Bay Horse, their favorite pub, was located.The entire way Strike was treated to information about the local beers he was about to sample.He knew the real questioning would start when they had sampled the first round but he was ready. 

Fortified with Black Sheep ale (very tasty) and sitting in the back of the pub at one of the tables set up in a sort of paved patio, Stephen opened fire.“How’d you meet our Rob, Cormoran?”

Cormoran told Robin’s “met at the mess” story, then expanded that to explain she’dlater been his driver for a mission.“Very good driver, your sister,” he told them to smiles and a toast “to Rob!”

Jonathan wanted to know what Cormoran did in the army.He received a fictitious story about supplies and logistics, boring enough to shut off that line of inquiry.Martin wanted to know about Cormoran’s family.He was able to say truthfully that his mother was dead, Robin had met his father and some of his siblings “although with wartime travel not everyone,” and that he was taking Robin to meet his aunt and uncle in Cornwall after a stay here in Yorkshire. 

Stephen wanted to know how safe Robin was in London.Strike truthfully said that no one in London was really safe in wartime, that her building had been destroyed, and that he was going to arrange for her to board at a friend’s house in the suburbs.“It’s a married couple.The husband is a doctor so he has crazy hours.Robin will be company for Ilsa and they can keep an eye on each other when Nick or I aren’t around.” 

Jonathan bought the next round.The talk turned to Yorkshire and the brothers’ jobs farming.“We always thought Robin would marry a local guy and be a housewife like Mum,” Martin admitted.“We didn’t realize how much she wanted excitement.”

“She was engaged to a local guy here, wasn’t she?”Cormoran said neutrally.“Maybe when that didn’t work out she wanted a change.”

All three brothers scowled.“Cheating wanker,” said Martin succinctly.“Speak of the devil,” said Stephen, looking across the patio.A very good looking young man had just appeared, a big-breasted blonde on his arm.He joined a table full of locals, all drinking and laughing and talking.All three brothers glared.The good looking man ignored them.The blonde giggled.“I’d like to wipe that smirk off his face, he thinks so much of himself,” said Jonathan.

“Allow me,” said Strike.He rose and headed for the good-looking man and his date.The good looking man looked up at the huge stranger towering over him and frowned.“Matthew Cunliffe?” Strike asked politely.“Yes?” the good looking man looked puzzled. 

“Let me buy you a drink!I owe you one, brother!”Strike hailed a passing barmaid and demanded a drink for “me and my buddy Matt.”Robin’s brothers were looking at Strike, just as puzzled as Matthew.Strike gave them all a broad smile.The barmaid brought the drinks and Strike handed Matt his, then toasted him with his own. 

“Here’s to my friend Matthew.If he hadn’t cheated on his lady friend, she wouldn’t be with me today!To Cockwomble Cunliffe, the dishy prat!Matthew the mingebag, the world’s largest leasing-monger git!To Matt, a nincompoop and tit, but like most maggots, happy to give way to his betters!”By now the onlookers were laughing.Strike, a happy grin plastered on his face below very cold eyes, continued.“A man who does a runner on his girl is doing her a favor!”Matthew started to protest, but it was like throwing gasoline on a fire.“I’m not insulting you, Matthew!I’m describing you,” this was said with a hurt look.“Drinks all around, barmaid!”The entire patio cheered, even Matt’s date.

“Now Matthew isn’t as bad as people say—he’s worse!”[laughter]

Matthew tried to say something but Cormoran talked right over him.“Once a cheater, always a repeater!Eh, Cunliffe?”The onlookers laughed and cheered again.The barmaid brought beers for everyone.Strike raised his new beer and proposed a toast.“Here’s to Matt who is like school in the summertime.No class.”Everyone laughed and toasted Cunliffe except Matthew himself who was red in the face and sputtering with anger. “My friend Matthew here is proof of the old saying, ‘If you are happy and you know it, thank your ex.’”Strike drank to the cheers of the crowd.Matt spit out a curse. 

  
“What?Sorry, Matt, I wasn’t listening.I was trying to imagine you with a personality.”Matthew repeated a threat a little louder.Strike looked wounded.“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Cunliffe…. But it’s still on the list.”There was applause from the growing audience.The pub regulars had heard about the epic burn happening out back and were adding to the crowd. 

Matthew managed to call out “Fat bastard.”Strike laughed at him.“Sorry, Matthew, I don’t engage in mental combat with the unarmed.But you could always surprise me—say something intelligent.”Strike paused while Matt tried to come up with something to say.Strike beat him to it.“Folks, are you like me?I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met Matthew.”The crowd cheered and laughed and one wag called out, “Cheating Cunliffe.”Strike toasted him. 

“Wit from the peanut gallery.Love it.But Matthew, I’m sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I’ve said.”[loud laughter]

Matthew had had enough.He rose, and to catcalls and laughter he barreled out of the pub, leaving his confused lady friend to follow in his wake.Strike returned to Robin’s brothers at their table to the cheers and congratulations and pats on the back from all the bystanders.Gradually the pub patio returned to quiet as folks settled back to talk among themselves and chuckle at the fun they’d just had at Matthew Cunliffe’s expense.Various people came to the Ellacott table to introduce themselves to Strike.The brothers proudly referred to Strike as “Our Robin’s intended.”

More beers arrived.Everyone was happy drunk when time was called for the supper break.Cormoran settled up for the rounds he’d ordered with the smiling barmaid, adding a nice tip “…since I think you’ve lost Cunliffe’s custom for good; do you think it might have been something I said?” then he and Robin’s brothers piled back in the Land Rover and headed for home. 

Martin cornered Robin as soon as they returned while Strike was upstairs in the bathroom.“You should have been there, Rob!Matthew was at the Bay Horse and Strike insulted him over and over in front of everyone.He was livid but he’s no match for Strike who is hilarious when he gets going.Matt’ll never be able to show his face there again.He’s going to be called Cheating Cunliffe for all time in Masham now.”Robin stared at Martin, thunderstruck.

Apparently Stephen had reported to Robin’s parents because as Strike left the bathroom and headed back to the kitchen, her father stopped him.“Stephen told us what you did in the Bay Horse.Thanks.”

Strike looked innocent.“I was just trying to be nice to the guy.After all, he cleared the way to Robin for me.She’d never have given me the time of day if they’d still been together.She’s loyal.” 

“That she is.Come in here.I want to talk to you.”Robin’s father led them into a bedroom, possibly Jonathan’s, and shut the door.“Her mother and I were not pleased when she got engaged again so soon, but I like the look of you.Do you love her?”

“Of course,” Strike said, then realized he might not be lying.“I’m not rushing her.It’s wartime so it’s tempting to hurry a marriage but I’ll do my best to take care of her in London.You should know the worst about me, though.My parents were never married.I know that still means something in small towns. My mother is dead and my father is Jonny Rokeby, but I don’t have much of a relationship with him.I won’t be inheriting huge sums when he goes.I dropped out of Oxford when my mother was murdered and I’ve been in the army since.I will probably go into policing when I get out of the army.That’s what I do now and I’m good at it.”Robin’s father looked over the large man standing in front of him.“You’ll do,” he said.Then he turned and left.

Strike headed back towards the kitchen only to be waylaid by Robin.She pulled him into her bedroom.“What’s this Martin’s been telling me?”

“Your brothers are blabbermouths,” Strike told her.

“Did you really make fun of Matthew in front of everyone in the Bay Horse?”

“Not everyone.The cook in the kitchen might not have heard,” Strike said, trying to be accurate. “You aren’t angry, are you?After all, it’s not really my business if you ex is a git.”

Robin suddenly had tears in her eyes.“It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“I wanted to hit him and break that pretty nose,” Strike admitted.

“I’ve wanted to do that a time or two myself but this is much better.He’ll be the laughingstock of Masham.”

“That was my aim.”

Robin threw her arms around him and kissed him as if he was the only man left on earth.When she finally let go of him, they were both breathless.“Thank you,” she whispered and she was gone, leaving Strike standing in her bedroom, wondering how on earth he was going to sleep with her tonight without actually sleeping with her after that kiss?


End file.
